#I'm only on ep 5 and i am INVESTED okay

[izhunny]

look, tv shows need to start using less common words/phrases as titles cause I can't find stuff here and i need to find stuff

if i get invested in something i need to be able to find my people

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - It's the Dog Days of BL Again

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

May 2024 Final Week

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Godday (Sat YT) ep 5 of 12 - The side couple is so damn pouty and adorable. So far as Yak and Dee are concerned, I love that they kept up with the cosplay stuff and didn’t just drop it as a one off. I'm just genuinely enjoying seeing how much fun they have together and watching them accidentally falling in love with each other and trying not to.

Linguistic corner!

I don’t normally watch any BTS stuff, but for reasons known only to my serotonin-seeking brain, I’ve been watching a few for this show. And I MUST talk about the way Great speaks Thai. It’s so different from all of the other Good GMMTV Boys. He’s way more casual. Not rude, but definitely not as formal or as polite as any of the actors around him. It’s difficult to describe but just LISTEN to the way he hops registers and pronouns pretty consistently. Sometimes in the same sentence. He even softens his polite particles. I've never heard an actor do that out of character. It’s fascinating. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that he is older (then most of his costars) and comes outta the Bangkok club scene, and was older when he joined GMMTV. Frankly, it’s the closest I’ve ever seen on TV to the way people actually talked in Bangkok. 

My Stand-In (Thai Fri iQIYI) ep 6 of 12 eps - honestly these two shows are neck and neck for my favorites running right now and Wandee got the edge because it left me smiling, but yesterday, Stand-In would have come out on top. Such a great show. It’s so sinister. So not romantic. Which makes me feel like... it's not really a BL. And, yet, I DO NOT CARE. Because I’m enjoying its little evil soul so much. “Poor Joe” is pretty much all that goes through my head the whole time I'm watching, and I'm enjoying poking at that pain.

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 9 of 16 - I love all of the 3rd wheels. Kluen is kinda great. And I’m not just saying that 'cause I have a crush on Title, it’s because Kluen is so open and genuine. (Unless they fuck up his character.) I even enjoyed the backstory for Fang and Tan. Honestly, the friendship group is the reason to watch this show, they’re great and funny, and make everything enjoyable. It’s a soap opera, like Only Friends, but gentle with its characters and us watchers. Which is what I really want from my BL. I don’t want all of this Friend Zone backstabbing bullpuckie. 

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) eps 1-2 of 12 - I like it, frankly more than I expected to. It’s a bit slow moving, but the characters are interesting and the dynamic of everybody living in the same house together is fun. I haven’t seen this style of housemates centered Thai BL in years. I identify FAR too closely with the crass-talking bug-killing pansexual. On a completely different note, I really hope Best and Seng have an NC scene together. Last week I would never have said that, but now I think they have good chemistry. Am I crazy?

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 8 of 12 - They are sickeningly sweet boyfriends, and Moo is such a brat and so demanding. It’s charming. There was even a little bit of dancing together which I’m sure made @heretherebedork happy. Dancing okay but NO SINGING. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 7 of 10 - Asami's past was cool to see. I enjoyed that his character finally got fleshed out and given some solidity. However, it felt like it came a little too late. Even though I know this is the way Japan tends to roll with BL timing. I wanted to like him sooner then this. Now I'm not really that invested.

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 8 fin - It was an extremely good and very satisfying ending for a JBL, which we cannot expect, so I'm disposed to dole out top marks for that. Also we definitely have a new contender for Namgoong award for best wingman. (Japan's favorite: the bespectacled variant.)

Summation:

Kindly Ryota goes to uni and ends up rooming with his former childhood bestie, Kazuhito. Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend for, as it turns out, cute roommate reasons. Same director as Old Fashion Cupcake, the framing is gorgeous and it is a stylish piece. As a friends to lovers cohabitation narrative this was a classic 2000s sweet yaoi. I enjoy that kind of tradition out of Japan even if it (and the characters) come off as a little slow as a result. Still, it's nice to get a traditional BL out of Japan that is satisfying, not slapstick, AND did not hurt us. 8/10 recommended

Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 5-6fin - gonna have to wait until next week, for mysterious hotel wifi reasons.

It's airing but...

You Made My Day (Thai YT) ep 1 of 5 - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard.

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS. How?

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ????) ep 2 of 10 - yeah I can't find it. Comments from last week suggest this is not my thing anyway, but Lee Long Shi very much IS my thing, so... maybe I'll put it on hold for a bit and y'all can let me know.

In case you missed

VBL (Taiwan) is released 'Special Episode' epilogues to their 4 2023 series on Gagaoolala, Viki & Viu - watch each on the respective shows' page: You Are Mine, VIP Only, Stay By My Side, Anti Reset.

My Biker 2 (Thai movie trailer) suposedly released somewhere, search me.

The Time of Huannan (Taiwan movie) went to theaters, not sure if we will get this, and it may not be BL.

And here's a 2023 that I missed and finally watched:

After Sundown AKA Saengrawi

ZeeNunew vehicle from 2023, recut into a movie on YouTube. It's from Mandee and horror, yet I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.

Pronoun use is ter/chan or rao (no nai or pom) because of the historical setting + softness of the relationship.

It's oddly sweet and wholesome, for a ghost story. Phloeng and Rawee enter into an arranged marriage for confusing prophetic reasons and a twisted fate, solving a mystery of the past that is haunting Phloeng's family and harming Rawee. Honestly, it makes no actual sense, but it's kinda historical, and very pretty, so I enjoyed it more than I should. 8/10

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

June Releases

6/7 My Love Mix-Up (Fridays Thai Adaptation not sure where this will air) - I do love G4 and I did like the original and maybe this time these characters will actually kiss? I'm actually fine with this pick-up. I kind of enjoy seeing different countries remake the same IP. Especially if it's IP I'm mostly unfazed by.

6/7 The Last Time (Thailand Fridays YouTube?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something?

6/9 Love Sea (Thailand Sundays MAME warning iQIYI - New characters to the Mameverse. While travelling, a writer has a one night stand with a very irritating man. YES I WILL TRASH WATCH THIS. Drinking will happen on Sundays I guess. (Look, I do usually travel on weekends, so it may end up being Monday Mame Trash - which jives.)

6/14 Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru 2 AKA Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai 2 Haime! (Japan movie Gaga?) - Continues the (frankly) lackadaisical story from part 1.

6/15 Sunset Vibes AKA SunsetXVibes (Thailand Saturdays) Star Hunter and MosBank on iQIYI so if nothing else it's gonna be a wild and sexy ride. A one night stand but "uh-oh he’s my boss," adapted from a web series. I’m game. Maybe it’ll have a better story than Big Dragon? Maybe it will have a plot? We can but hope.

6/26 The Rebound (Thai Weds VIU?) - MeenPing are back in their 3rd BL together, a basketball based romance (Meen was a national basketball player, so yay for that). I like this pair better than most (I still do miss Meen with Est but Est has a fantastic looking new BL coming from GMMTV so yeah...) Anyway I'm up for a sports romance starring a man who, yah know, actually played that sport so... I'm game (pun intended).

(Speaking of, why can't Est be a merman? This... I ask you?.)

Why You? (Khmer movie - Billed as a horror romance BL this is supposed to release this month.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

In my world we call this smug. (Only Boo!)

LOOK AT HIS ARM?! This has been your Goodness Gracious Great Guns Of Huge 2024 moment.

(All Wandee Goodday)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity

@rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[artzybumpkin]

I know you kinda mentioned how the rest of of the smiley guys react to Al/lan's pregnancy, but do you have anything to expand off of that? Does G/lep get jealous or just unaffected by it? Is Ch/arlie ever awkward about it but trying to be cool? Eee I AM VERY INVESTED 😭😭

Figured I'd group these two together since they're similar❤️

(This one's a long one, buckle up y'all)

First thing's first.... telling boss man.

Al/lan had no immediate intentions to confess his pregnancy to anyone just yet, since he'd only JUST found out himself. He hadn't even been to see a doctor yet but after having 5 at home tests come up positive(not to mention the constant nausea and the slightest hint of a bump beginning to poke out under his tie)... it was painfully obvious. But after he had to come clean to P/im, he was persistently prompted to at least fill the boss in on his situation.

"I-I dunno, P/im..."

Though he didn't want to admit it, he was extremely nervous. Would this affect his job at all? His position?? What if he's viewed as a nuisance and gets fired for it?? He can't afford to be fired! Not NOW!

"Well... You won't know unless you try. Mr B/oss is uh.... a strange one, to put it frankly, but he's usually pretty understanding. I don't think he'd fire you over this. He's a father himself, after all!"

"Hmm..."

About that time they heard keys jingling just outside the back entrance. As expected, they heard the boss's voice sing out a gleeful 'Morning, guys' as he came through the door, passing them on his way to his office.

A gentle nudge from P/im suggested he go ahead and bite the bullet. With a dreadful sigh, Al/lan got up from his seat and made his way towards the office himself.

"Eh, Mr B/oss?... Could I speak with you real quick? It's uh... urgent."

"Oh hey Al/lan! Sure, come on in! What's up?"

"So.... something's come up, and-... Well, I don't really know how else to say this but-"

"Hold on, lemme stop you right there. I've seen this enough times to know where this is going."

Al/lan's eyes widened nervously. "You do?"

"Yeup. But If you're putting in your notice, I urge you to reconsider."

"I-...," he paused, losing his train of thought for a second, "What??..."

"PLEASE don't quit, Al/lan!" Mr B/oss clambered onto his desk, hands clasped together, a pleading look on his face. "I know firing Tyler was kinda out of the blue but there were reasons I can't legally discuss! It was a hard blow to all of us! We can't afford to lose you too! Things would be wack around here without you! Unbalanced! It just wouldn't be the same!"

"...."

"Who'll keep the finances in check? Who'll keep the paperwork organized and the files alphabetized and the plants watered and the shelves stocked and fridge clean and the... er- um... WHATEVER else you do! Please don't gooooo-!"

"I'm not- Mr B/oss, I'm not quitting!"

"You're... you're not??" he sniffled pitifully.

"NO! I'm trying to tell you I'm...," he hesitated a second before finally steeling himself. No sense in putting it off now, "I think I'm... pregnant...."

"Oh!..," he straightened up immediately, as if he hadn't just been bawling in front of his employee, "Is that all? You had me worried for a sec there, haha!"

Al/lan was completely taken aback. Wait... It was that easy? "You're... okay with this??"

"Yeah man, that's great news! I remember when Jason came around it was the happiest I'd ever been! It's nerve wracking, don't get me wrong, but it's worth it! If it's what you decide you want, that is."

The red critter's eyes darted side to side briefly in thought. "It won't affect my position at all?"

"I don't see why it would. Unless you just NEEDED some time away or something. Whatever you decide, you have my full support, dude!"

"Um... Wow, I- er.... Thank you."

Meanwhile, back in the breakroom.

Shortly after Al/lan left the room, Gl/ep made his way into the breakroom. P/im smiled and waved frantically to him!

"Good MORNING, Gl/ep! Ready for a brand new work day?"

The small green critter narrowed his eyes suspiciously, making P/im shrink slightly in his seat.

"Wajdhfkrjrurup?... (Why're you acting so skiddish?...)"

"Skiddish? ME?? HA! No no no, I'm not... Th-That's ridiculous!...," he mumbled, his tone growing quieter and quieter with every word.

Sweet fella can't lie for SHIT. And Gl/ep could see right through his attempt as if he were looking through freshly windexed glass. All it took was the unwavering glare to break him.

"Okay, okay.... It's not really MY news to share but... Can you keep a secret, Gl/ep?"

"Æ, (Meh.)" he shrugged.

P/im quickly peered over his shoulder before motioning Gl/ep to come closer. He put his hand up to his ear and whispered. "Al/lan just found out he's expecting!.."

Gl/ep's expression turned from brief confusion to brightened wonderment as he muttered his own version of 'WOW' under his breath

"You're the only one besides me and Mr B/oss that knows right now so try to keep it on the down low, alright?"

"Keep what on the down low??.."

P/im nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of a voice behind him. "Ch/arlie! When did you get here?? You startled me!" he yelped shakily, grasping his chair for dear life.

"I literally just got here, man. You didn't hear me come in? The front doorbell went off and everything," he said as he placed his lunch in the fridge. "So what's all this secrecy nonsense you were babbling about before I walked in?"

"Ah... Well..."

"Sjdidjfjoieuehjkipodepibop! (Al/lan's up the duff!)"

"GL/EP!" he semi scolded, earning another half hearted shrug from the smaller critter.

"'Up the duff?'..," Ch/arlie pondered a second, "I've never heard that phrase in my life, 'up the duff,' what's that even mean, dude?"

P/im shot Gl/ep a slightly stern look before sighing. Guess it's only fair to not keep him in the dark, now that basically everyone else knows. "Al/lan's pregnant, Ch/arlie."

Ch/arlie soaked the information in for a hot minute, momentarily wracking his brain to make sure he'd heard that correctly. "Pregnant, huh?... When'd he find that out?"

"I think last night? He'd taken several tests and they came back positive, so he's pretty sure. He must be at least a month or so along! He's even got a little bump starting to show!" P/im's enthusiasm obviously started to swell again when he reached the end of his statement.

"Ah... Cool."

Soooo to recap first reactions:

P/im, ECSTATIC.

Mr B/oss, super cool about it.

Gl/ep, also happy but kinda neutral.

Ch/arlie, mildly traumatized.

[bengiyo]

Step By Step Ep 5 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Jeng started his reformed boss procedures to mixed reception. He's also fairly bad at flirting with Pat. I rejected Jeng's work-life integration proposal. Pat met Jeng's niece, and also gets to lead a new major project. Finally, Jeng tore his ACL trying to be cool during karaoke, and finally appears human to the staff. We left at Pat misunderstanding the relationship between Jeng and Jaab, and Put stalking Pat outside his house.

I am curious if Domundi okay'd them referencing their talent in this show.

The commentary about the BL industry and its marketing tactics was NOT SUBTLE. I like that we had two self-affirmed queer characters push back on using BL talent to sell their products because it uses LGBT imagery for fakery.

CHOT IS DOWN! WHAT HAPPENED??

Okay, but Pat has a point about the potential fraud.

I like Pat's shorter hair.

Pat's nervousness and uncertainty in his interactions feels appropriate for someone new to their role.

I'm having a hard time reading Jeng's dad.

I'm with Chot. Ignore the call. Make out instead.

Chot continues to be correct. They should show trust in Pat by not hovering.

A proposal! We stay winning, gays!!

Oh, Pat, please don't lie to Jeng because you don't want to report on problems.

Yo, Pat, that felt rude as hell.

Jeng is like, "Yes! There's only one bed! You'll just have to stay with me!"

Same, Pat. Jeng is a LORGE and ATTRACTIVE man.

Jen confused me. I feel like he definitely knows how Jaab feels.

Where are they getting Jeng's shirts from? He is so big but looks so cozy.

Jaab, please don't touch him in his sleep. You can stare at him all night like a Minbari, but don't touch.

Where is Put and why is there a Lovely Writer poster on the wall?

Still suspecting that Put broke up with Pat to become a BL actor.

WAIT, was Ae hooking up with Beam???

Jeng think he slick trying to see Pat in his jammies and bed hair.

I'm super invested in the outcome of this ad campaign shoot. I know this might be boring for some folks, but I've had to manage expensive projects with a lot of people in decision making power. I'm stressed for Pat.

Pat is such a trooper for not letting his temper flare up around Put.

Jeng, are you jealous because of the photos? Oh, sir, I totally understand you not letting anyone else get aquarium time with Pat.

Oh, so Poopy must suffer in this show. He's proposing while she's having dinner with Beam. This is embarrassing.

Oh nooooooooooooooo

There's so many layers to this dinner scene. Jeng trying to flirt with Pat surreptitiously. Put jealous. Kannon excited about his wedding. Asking Jeng for the restaurant for free. Teasing about Jeng's wealth. Jaab being excited about the baby.

Well well well. The sides get the first kiss, but Jen seems to feel uncomfortable about it.

I'm with Pat. I also like being told I did a good job when I've worked hard on something difficult.

I continue to love this show more every week. Every problem they face on this show feels grounded in a believable reality. I'm also loving that the problems are so adult. Loving as well that this team still has grievances to air about BL as an industry.

[gothicbarbie]

BL'S I'm Watching (August 2023)

In order of my enjoyment!

1. Only Friends - Breath of fresh air! It's messy, it's sexy, it's entertaining... it's got a lot of pairings I love seeing together. I like that it's just a more mature BL. Yes, the high heat is great, but it's about these characters feeling comfortable with their sexuality. I want more!

2. My Personal Weatherman - Always enjoy JBL's and high heat ones are even better because imo they always feel more realistic. The plot of this is a bit strange but the chemistry is great and I want to see where it all goes.

3. Hidden Agenda - Joongdunk are just so adorable. Besides the fact that they are just the most attractive pairing to look at, they have clearly gotten even more comfortable around one another. I like that the plot is going in a different direction than I expected. It's not the most amazing BL I've ever seen but I'm enjoying it.

4. Love Class 2 - I was busy last week so I am behind on episodes but I did enjoy the start of the show. A tad confusing on first watch but it made sense in the rewatch. An interesting plot with 3 different pairings to root for, so it's a fun watch. There are a few elements I don't care for but it's not too bad.

5. Dangerous Romance - A bit of a sketchy start and I can't stand bullies, but I am happy that Chimon and Perth get a chance to shine and I wanted more of them. Let's see where it goes.

6. Minato's Laundry 2 - Still a great show. Lots of cute moments. I think season 1 was better and Minato is irritating me quite a bit with his insecurities and pulling away. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me personally but I still like the show and will finish it out.

7. Stay By My Side - Not Taiwan's best, and the main pairing is a bit awkward in their kissing imo but I still the show is very fun and they are cute.

8. Laws of Attraction - Interesting-ish plot. A few pairings to root for. There is def. some boring parts and issues I have with the show but I am still liking it.

9. Be Mine Superstar - I find the plot of this one pretty boring TBH but I freaking love JaFirst. It's not their best series and I find Ja's character pretty awkward. But it's watchable.

10. The Wedding Plan - This plot is weird. Don't get the fake marriage or why the main guy can't be honest. I think the chemistry is alright but not overwhelming. I am not fully invested but its a short series and I wanna see how it goes.

11. Jun and Jun - ehhhh idk about this one guys. I can't get into it. I wanted to, but office romances aren't for me, and I think this one is especially boring. I like the chemistry between the main two but I find a lot of their moments a bit uncomfortable and there is a lack of consent in a lot of areas. Not Korea's best.

12. Stay Still- Not even sure what I am watching but its so short so I'm just kinda skimming.

On Hold:

1. I Feel You Linger in the Air

2. Lost in Translation

Tried the pilots of these and they felt very slow so I had to put them on hold for now and may come back to them later or if I hear good things about them.

Recently Finished:

1. Stay With Me - For anyone with doubts, this is definitely a BL. Some sweet kisses (though not on the lips) and lots of flirting and innuendo. A terrible ending but it'll apparently get a season 2, so I'll hold out. I genuinely loved this series!

2. Sing My Crush - Not big on musical plots and I found the storyline here a bit boring and like I'd seen it before, but it was okay. The main couple was very cute. Didn't love it as much as everyone else, but it was still good and worth the watch

EXTRAS:

Advance Bravely - Not currently airing. It's also I think technically a bromance but there are def. suggestive moments and scenes and I find the chemistry really good an entertaining so I'm enjoying it.

Catch Me Baby - Not currently airing. Only watched 1 ep and had to skim it, I found it very weird. I'm only really watching for Net/James.

[hils79]

Hils Watches Fairyland Lovers - Ep 5

Okay, as sad as I am that the long hair is gone it still looks pretty good

I do love him travelling everywhere on his lil bike

Aww RIP his bike

Ji Xiaobing has been whumped in everything I've seen him in. Love that for him and for me.

Oh he's fine. And his hair does look really good like this

Mood

I am already more invested in this ship than the main one. Why do all the women keep falling over though? I miss the genderfluid spirit.

It was bugging me where I recognised her from and she's the doctor who disguised herself as a man in Mysterious Lotus Casebook! And apparently she was in Love Like the Galaxy too but I don't remember her in that

OMG his head is literally empty

I can make a whole collection of Ji Xiaobing in striped hospital pyjamas

It's that street that's been used in Heroes and Mysterious Lotus Casebook. I'm waiting for Zeng Shunxi to show up now

Ah, the old 'movie set for a ghost story is legit haunted' thing. Love it.

I mean she's not wrong but lol at her saying that to a kid

That is a completely different house from the one she left. And she only left at like 3pm!

Dude! Personal space!

OMG GET YOUR SHOES OFF THE BED

I love that even when she's standing on the couch she's only a couple of inches taller than him

[forkaround]

Top 3 Personal Favorite BLs of 2022

I would like to start by thanking everyone who replied to my 'What's the appeal of BL?' post. A friend had asked and I felt I hadn't given a satisfying answer but seeing all the reblogs and comments made my heart grow three sizes. These were things I knew to be true. These were things around me, abstract and translucent. And every answer made me so fucking happy. I could see hope. Thank You.

I got into BL this year and I can say, with ease that I've never been happier.

I am a writer. At 15 I had the idea for an epic fantasy. But things changed once I realized the female lead could end up with no one but this other female character. I steeled myself for a difficult battle because since this was gay this won't be published in India. (Back then there was still a ban on homosexuality. Section 377, if anyone's interested. A remnant of the British Raj. Lifted in 2018.) And I told myself this is going to be hard but it's fine. We can publish in the US. Parts of the story take place in the US anyway, and the rest is in another galaxy, so it's okay. We are fine.

At 20, I had an idea for a story where the female lead become the uncrowned Queen of India (Richest, most influential person in the country). Her motto was - Ambition isn't a bad word. I knew this won't be well received since a woman has ambition but I figured it won't be that bad. But I couldn't conceive of this character as anyone but a lesbian. And I knew this would never be made or rather published if she was the main character.

And in rolled the year 2022. I am 23. It's my 24th birthday and I am more excited for something else that's going to happen in two days than I am about it being my birthday and also the day I go to live, by myself, in Germany, miles from where my parents live. I can barely think about that.

All I am thinking about is -

Kinnporsche

This show is fantastic and no one can deny this but to me it's much more than a show because it made me believe there was a market for my stories. That I could do this and the road ahead wasn't as difficult as I'd thought I'd be. And that was because of how much of a phenomenon Kinnporsche was. Still is, idk. It trended worldwide every week. It trended in India every week since Ep 4. Major Indian magazines wrote about it. And for once I thought, maybe India is ready.

Kinnporsche was also a personal phenomenon. I had Sundays blocked off in my Bullet Journal as Kinnporsche Brainrot days. I bought wine for the first time in my life in anticipation of the Vegaspete episode. This show spawned 7 WIPs and added umph to pre-existing projects like the Ambition one I mentioned before. I had the time of my life reading metas and my critical thinking and media analysis skill improved because of this fandom. The fanworks were the first time in my life I've been as invested in the fandom of the fandom as I've been in the media. It glitters like gold. And in-between the changing genres and political scheming, stage blocking and color theory, and tooth rotting fluff and sadomasochism I found hope.

And what Kinnporsche started multiplied with the things to come.

Old Fashion Cupcake

I've mentioned I'm 24. I feel like I'm 40. I am a woman from a conservative country like India. I am queer but that's not the only thing about me that defies norms. And when you are young defying norms is a metric of success. When you go to college, though, things change and everything that you thought were things people were proud of, are suddenly not. All the talk of feminism and equal rights that had people clapping at 15 are all the same things that people snide at you about. It's the same with your family. And once you've finished college. The second that bachelor's degree hits your hand, the first question asked is - When are you going to start searching for a husband? And you've know for a while this is coming. And 25 feels like the end of the world. You can't imagine being 28, 30, 35, 40... And you've not even lived.

Then some guy, 5 years older than you, starts teaching his boss about some anti-aging thing. The boss is just like you, someone who hasn't lived and regrets it and you realize, a thought so powerful that your cry in the middle of the afternoon. There are as many years between me and Nozue as I've lived. It's not exact math but it shocks you down to your every cell. I feel old. But I'm not. Nozue is twice as old as me and I never thought him to be that old. And yes, life still sucks in many ways and yes, the rules of the universe are different for men and women but it also means my life doesn't end at 30. I won't be a haggard, old woman the moment the second hand moves to the next day on my birthday. Even if the world believes it - I don't have to. And it changes me coz all the things I thought I didn't have time for are suddenly things where I have all the time in the world. I have time for cute food. I have time for a cute cat. I have time to make my name. I have time to live.

And then comes something that makes me even more insane than I already am -

Love in the Air

I know. I know. But this is the first time I've seen someone that makes me as insane as Payu does. And I don't mean the department god status or the cool look. I mean the complete balance and grace this guy has. Before him it was Peggy Carter who I thought was just amazing but it was Payu that solidified the idea of why. He defies every expectation put on him. Good guy? No, he has connections to the mafia and can make you vanish with a phone call. Bad guy then? Nope, he is nice to everyone and is a general pleasure to have around. Any bad guy aesthetics are things he is passionate about in a nerdy way. The Cool Guy? Nope, he looks cool sure but it's not his goal to be a cool guy. He wants to be a nice guy. It's being nice that is cool. Nice Guy (derogatory)? Nope, he tests Rain but is pleasantly surprised every time Rain does pass the test. Narcissistic? Nope, he will put his whole pride aside for the man he loves. He will get humiliated for him any day. He is a well adjusted, respected man who is into kink. No tragic backstory, no dark impulses. Just some guy. Who likes kink.

He became dear to me and looking at him is the reason I realized that in order to make my dreams come true I can't just hope and have talent, I need discipline and balance too. But I also need grace to understand others. Enter Parpai. He spotted something wrong with Sky from the few seconds he seemed lost in thought. His priority in the finale was to take care of Sky and not being his hero or being The Hero. He cared about nothing beyond Sky's wellbeing. This is a type of character I can honestly say I've never seen before. The maturity and emotional intelligence shown by Parpai blows me away each time.

The clock struck twelve and I broke my first bottle of Merlot. Here to to an amazing 2023, an insane 2023, a wonderful 2023 and a kind 2023. I end this with love and gratitude, thing that before this year I considered superfluous, especially gratitude. But I've felt more gratitude this year thanks to BLs/GLs/QLs than I thought I was capable off.

What I wanted to do at 15 hasn't changed but now I have hope it can happen and time to make it happen and the balance and grace I would need to help me achieve my 15 year old self's dreams. Coz after a decade of being told it was stupid or unimportant I get to have confidence that all that I felt, things that others didn't agree with are real. And that makes all the difference.

[1d1195]

Sam my love I am so glad you’re at a slightly better point! It sucks that you haven’t been feeling well :( I know it’s not easy to just “relax or calm down” but really I am glad that you did take some time for yourself! PLEASE CONTINUE TO DO SO! Don’t feel bad about not posting any new writing too! Honestly if you decided to not post anymore for whatever reason, it’s okay because you're still a person behind the screen. As long as YOU are okay or trying to get there, that is enough! You're never being dramatic, you know your body and feelings! 

Ive had such a busy weekend and I started my summer courses today(monday) which is why i haven't been on here as much :( Weekend was busy since I went thrifting and got some new skirts which I am excited about! And I went to a vintage car show! I love looking at older cars but I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM! I just like the vibes lol 

I also have not finished the bear yet, I'm only 4 episodes in 😭 and girl don’t get me started on how i think about the whole claire or sydney thing because I feel like I can make a whole ass dissertation on the bear HAHA especially with this new season I have MANY thoughts lol But I do agree that the first episode was an interesting watch. I think that it was an attempt to give some more backstory especially with Carmy’s training but I think that the transitions from past/present were hard to follow. But the changes were very stuble so it can easily be missed. The way I knew was by looking at his hair?? Idk maybe im reaching lol  Oh I would cry too! I didn’t grow up with so much yelling and I hate confrontation so it would not be a good environment for me lol I'm also a perfectionist so I simply would die :)! Anyways I'm hoping to have more time during this week to finish it! 

How was your weekend? Hows’ the week starting out?!

Sam you're literally the SWEETEST how would I not be nice to you😭?! I love you!!!-💜

I didn't realize you were taking summer courses! I thought you were free! I feel like we discussed that you were and like a goldfish, I forgot immediately 🤦‍♀️ (it's slowly coming back, you're making up for some lost time perhaps?) How long are the classes and are you excited about them? I actually loved my summer math classes in grad school (maybe more than my regular season classes). They were like 👌 the right amount of time and the right amount of work.

New skirts! Are they long skirts or short skirts? Any fun patterns? I also know NOTHING about cars. I would rather walk. The vintage car shows are cool though! (Sounds like another great story meet cute to use 👀)

I just finished ep 5. I think as a whole the season is weird but I'm still invested. I like it a lot. I feel like Sydney doesn't want to part own it. I'm thinking she's seeing Carmy spiraling and she's like "Maybe I don't want to tie myself into him (and the restaurant)" Idk just my prediction. OBSESSED WITH THE FAKS. "How many Faks are coming?" "At least two, less than five." Literally amazing. I think Carmy's obsession is also a little too much this season. Maybe that's the point (obvi, his non-negotiables are/were a lot). Him wanting a new menu every night is a lot for me. I'm stressing about it. I feel like I've mentioned but my bf is pretty into cooking and he thinks Carmy is modeled after Marco Pierre White (I forget his reasoning; even though it's been said The Bear is not based off a real person) but if my bf IS right, it doesn't bode well for Carmy :/ I'm obsessed with the character arcs of some of these characters. Richie and Tina for example. TINA omg I could have killed her at the beginning. What a queen. I'm trying to be vague and also not spoil anything so hopefully I didn't. But I apologize if I did.

Totally agree with you on the perfectionist front. It's rough out there. I would sob into my purees lol

Omg I don't even remember the weekend. I think it was relaxing lol I was so nervous about school stuff. Because of the 4th I'm done with the first week of school so I'm feeling much better now. Mother Nature made her appearance as well and I shouldn't have been surprised since I mentioned last week I wanted to jump into traffic which is a good signal. But anyway, I'm thriving now. Need to do some chores and I'm writing something hopefully to post for tomorrow! I want to read and go for walks as well!

Hope your classes are good, your week is good, and you're enjoying the rest of The Bear LOVE YOU! 💕

xoxo

[myezblog]

about the did boc save the best for the last, honestly, i'd love if that was the case but seeing how boc treats characters other than kinn and porsche (and especially vegas and pete compared to KP), i'm not holding my breath. up until now, other characters (notably vegas but pete and others as well) have simply existed to advance KP's storyline. they are just pawns with not agency of their own.

boc definitely wildly underestimated how popular VP is and especially how sensitive their storyline is. like, they've already taken a few traits from VP's relationship and pushed them to kinn and porsche (the whole no kissing thing from vegas to kinn and the way vegas lowkey wants porsche to be the one to kill him), meaning they either don't understand shit about the relationship between VP or they're just way too biased towards KP (or both). underestimating the popularity of VP is especially funny because apparently it's okay to use them for marketing but not follow through that marketing. like i know boc is new to the scene and kpts is their first series but come on now, even an idiot knows you just don't go using characters and ships to promote a series and then act surprised when people get invested in said characters. but then again, boc also promoted kpts as some sort of gritty mafia series, yet it's literally like any other bl romcom, with the exception that the setting is mafia world instead of university or whatever, so the marketing was definitely a miss, rather than hit.

we're 5 episodes from the end and i doubt boc would actually give us VP-centric episode(s), which makes me think that they're going to rush their arc and just give us a few snippets here and there of the actual storyline and leave majority of it off-screen. the only way this sort of storytelling would've been at least somewhat acceptable is if they started the arc earlier, but even then it would've taken careful plotting to make the arc and VP's feelings believable for the non-novel readers. but with only 5 episodes left, at least one of which is entirely dedicated to the final showdown between the main and minor families, there's just not enough time. and because i love to be pessimistic, i'm thinking the "finale" will start at ep13 so that they can leave some time for some lovey-dovey KP in ep 14 because god forbid we haven't seen them fucking enough already... which means the VP arc actually only takes 2 or 3 episodes which is just bullshit and something i'll never forgive boc.

sorry about this essay, i totally strayed from the original point but i'm just kinda pissed off about the way boc treats VP so yeah. short answer: they def didn't expect that VP would be so popular and they royally fucked up.

Thanks!!

Your thoughts are exactly in line with mine. I am convinced too that it is really going to be ep 11-12, bits of 10 and bits of 13. None of it is going to be VP heavy, because there is enough Porsche drama to be covered as well, and kimporschay drama...

Also, i think i blame Pond for this majorly...not BOC per se. he is the scriptwriter and director.

And totally, it is about plot development, not about screen time. This was a good plot with immense character growth..but all down the drain.

Lastly, as Bible said "Spaceship".. we are sure gonna go on supersonic speed.. and well crumbs crumbs everywhere, with not an morsel to eat

[disaster-j]

Reveal your Watch and Rewatch drama list!

Tagged by @joblessquinoa thanks 💜💜

Currently Watching:

1. Kinnporsche- if you follow me you'll know how much I love this show it's giving EVERYTHING i needed it to give and i am so glad i watched it live bc i would have binged it in one night and lost so much sleep lmao

2. Sky in Your Heart- I'm a little behind but hoping to catch up this weeked. I love this show. Mek in a bl was already enough for me to get excited but I also loved Fah in Star in my Mind so it was even better seeing him in his own show. FahPrince are so cute together they have so much chemistry right from the first meeting and i love love love them so much. Highly recommend it to anyone who liked atots too bc the vibes are identical.

3. Mama Gogo- y'all know i love this show soooo much. It's cracky and over the top but very much self aware. The cast is incredible and storylines are really fun and interesting. The chemistry between the two main leads is already pretty good even tho i believe it's a slow burn enemies to lovers but like IT'S THERE okay. And everyone else in the cast has great chemistry too. So invested in the drama between Annie and Tina like i want them to get in a physical fight so bad i think it would be extremely funny. 10000/10 HIGHLY recommend this one!!!

4. Astrophile- the only way this show could redeem itself is if it turns out Kimhan is secretly a villain and ends up alone in the end, like 500 Days of Summer. Otherwise this is a complete and utter failure. Not only is the main plot mind numbingly boring but the main character is so insanely unlikeable even Bright stans i know refuse to continue watching it. There's zero chemistry between the supposed main couple and the guy is literally a walking red flag. Every single character and side plot other than Kimhan's whole thing is genuinely pretty good, but they get so little screentime and we are instead constantly forced to watch Kimhan use his past trauma as an excuse to be a fucking incel while manipulating the female lead into building a relationship with him. Don't watch this show or if you do just skip every Kimhan scene idk what else to say. There's a reason it flopped across all media platforms not even halfway through. I haven't even been able to get past what 2 eps? Shit sucks.

5. Ghost Doctor- i started this forever ago and even tho i genuinely love the show i have been slacking on finishing it. Kdramas are soooo long and I've been busy so 🤷‍♀️ but it's on netflix now so hopefully that can be a good motivator to finishing it. The story is about this genius doctor who falls into a coma and starts possessing one of his residents whom he has a hate relationship with to treat patients. Very funny and at times cracky show but balanced out with a serious thriller ish plotline going on underneath. Would recommend this to anyone who likes kdramas.

Rewatch:

I simply do not have the time to rewatch shows rn 😔😔

Looking forward to-

Vice Versa, U.M.G, GAP, Eclipse, 10 Years Ticket, Warp Effect, 3 Gentlebros, Home School, Midnight Series (mostly the OffJan and NanonFilm ones bc Moonlight Chicken just isn't my thing)... that's all i can think of rn

Tagging: (i feel like most people have done this recently so ignore this if you have but) @magicaldreamfox1 @onstoryladders @piningbisexuals @demiromanticmickey @ralbeleren @paalove @catravandece @mineonmain

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

I decided to watch Bia

People have been like "wHY hAVen't YoU WaTChEd It yEt" and like BRUH it's not even available in my country? What am I supposed to do? But now I happen to have a VPN so like. I could watch it. I watched the first episode a couple of months ago and honestly it didn't interest me at all. But now I said "ok fine whatever"

So this is my reaction from watching episodes. Every time I've watched 5 more eps, I update this.

After watching 5 episodes:

I zoned out constantly and missed a bunch of scenes. I don't really feel invested in the characters yet. Bia just feels like a smiling perfect child and there's nothing wrong with that, but I feel like nothing happened with her yet. She has great friends, great parents, is great at drawing and people support her for it, she also sings great, she basically no struggle in life besides missing her sister. She doesn't really have to fight to get anything she wants. I do like that every new DCLA show has parents that are more and more supportive, but when the main character has no one to fight, it's like nothing really happens. Violetta's dad didn't support her singing, so she had to fight for it. Luna's parents supported her roller skating, however, Ámbar always tried to sabotage it, plus she had to practise a lot of steps she couldn't do and had a hard time learning. Bia has very supportive parents. They want her to sing, and they support her drawing. And so does her friends, and everyone else.

It's a little interesting with the Helena plot, i'll admit. I sense there's a Romeo and Juliet plot building up for Bia and Manuel due to their parents (or, they're not Manuel's parents but he lives with them), and that can be interesting.

I feel like this show focuses more on aesthetic than plot at the moment. Also they have no idea how youtubers work.

Also I mix up Chiara and Celeste too much.

After watching 10 episodes:

In both of the other telenovelas, i've felt like no one's straight, basically. "Everyone's bi until proven otherwise", "everyone's gay until proven otherwise", etc. But here I feel the STRAIGHTEST vibe for everyone. Except Pixie. She's a lesbian. And she def has a thing for Bia. But everyone else is so S T R A I G H T-

I still zone out. Even I stare at the TV all episode, I still zone out and miss stuff. I can't focus on what's happening. Because nothing happens.

Ok. The stuff with Ana/Helena is interesting. The family stuff is interesting. But I just feel like it haven't reached that depth yet. Ok, I know, "how deep can they be for your standards?" but like... even if it's pretty deep it's also like... shallow, in some way. That's what I feel and I can't explain why.

The song where they sing "ooooooooh tengo una cancion" is good.

I mixed up Alex and Manuel and I forget what the cooking dude is named.

Last thing I wanna point out, Bia's parents passed by the INFAMOUS FOUNTAIN WHERE DRAMA ALWAYS HAPPENS and NOTHING HAPPENED IN THAT SCENE. THEY JUST PASSED BY. SCANDALOUS.

After watching 15 episodes:

Pietro! I've learned his name! Sometimes he moves like an animated character.

Yeah I feel like nothing's happened. There's this stuff with people calling Bia a hater but it's barely like... a big thing. It's a thing that I feel doesn't really bother her as much, because they focus on so many other things.

It's a little interesting with the parents signing the record I guess. I'm still pretty bored otherwise.

After watching 20 episodes:

When I had reached episode 17, I desperately wished I was watching something else. I just was that bored.

It's not the character's fault. I do think the family stuff is interesting, but that's the only time I really can pay attention. Otherwise I'm just getting such an urge to change to something else. I have to say episode 20 was pretty okay and that's why I think I can watch some more episodes.

I don't care about the love plot at all. I have nothing against Bia and Manuel. They're cute. I just don't feel anything. I do like how my feelings change for every main couple of these telenovelas. Like: Telenovela 1: Feeling nostalgia and happiness when I see the main couple Telenovela 2: Feeling irritated with the main couple and wishing they weren't endgame Telenovela 3: Feeling absolutely nothing towards the main couple. They just exist for me.

I don't know how people who love this show is like, so I don't know if you guys are the kind of people who go "How come you don't like this?! What's wrong?!"

I absolutely understand why you'd like this show. And I really am trying to like it. I am a patient person. It took me around 20 eps to really get into SL. I am still not into this but I don't want to give up.

-

I fell asleep during episode 22. It came so suddenly. I was full-on focused as Victor came to Bia's house to apologize. I liked that scene and I thought it was interesting. Then next scene came and I just... dozed off. I woke up startled by Victor (or Manuel) saying "¿Como estas?" and I wondered how much I had missed (I had missed 2 scenes, it was a short nap I took). But I take that as a confirmation that I probably should take a break now.

So - Bia is a show. I definitely get why people like it, but I just haven't gotten into it. At least, not yet.

Will I continue watching? Probably. Though, not as fast. Even though there is some interesting stuff happening there's not enough to keep me invested in a full episode. I need more chaotic energy, more moments that may not be necessary for the story, but still entertain me. I don't get it here. I think that, besides the family feud plot and Helena/Ana, there's nothing else that keeps my interest at all.

Some people say this show "fixes the problems the previous shows had" and maybe it does... but I haven't really noticed. And just because something "fixes" a problem, it doesn't mean it's automatically better. Also i'm just gonna say this, I am not very convinced to watch a show because I hear it's "better". It's like when people thought I would be convinced to watch SL because it had "good ships" - like it just made me not like a lot of ships out of spite in the beginning.

Anyway. I've watched a third of season 1. This is how I feel this far. We'll see how I feel when watching more, when I do that. As I mentioned, I totally get why people like this show, but personally it hasn't grown on me (yet).

[sevi007]

THE VALENTINE BROTHERS SEVI. I DIDNT THINK THAT JAN WAS SO /gestures/ THAT IN THE REAL SERIES BUT HE IS AND IM DYING. The freaking, Konami code. I'm so happy. And WALTER, BEING A BADASS YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Poor Seras tho..... Her bed ;u; give the girl her bed back.... (This has turned into a spam live blogging I'm so sorry;;)

Okay so I’m on episode 5 since ive been binging so hard and I am a concern its all gone to hell Sevi. London is fucked and i am worried about walter hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. vanwinke was really great tho. Also why does the scythe wielding person have to be a Nazi they’re so hot /sobs/             

HOLY CRAP THE MASSIVELY UNIMPRESSED LOOK ON INTEGRA’S FACE AS ANDERSON AND HIS CREW GO NUTS HAS ME SOBBING. Integra for biggest bamf alive holy he’ll. They’re a going nuts and shes just ‘having fun there I’m guessing?’ With the most bored and unimpressed expression. What a legend

Okay so has Maxwell always been this insane. Like. He’s literally starting a new crusade to murder all the people ever like. Im. The only one around him with any sanity is the little bowl cut kid that give him the papers. Alucard on that ship has me mentally singing back in black. He’s coming back to start a party. Also Integra giving zero fucks has me living. The cigar scene is so hilarious. They fear her power, too strong. And JFC ANDERSON, SAVAGELY BURNED YOUR OWN PEOPLE HOLY CRAP.     

Holy only did the scythe person invest all their skill points in illusion magic or something omg. And my girl Seras being the biggest BADASS!!!            

I now rescind what I said aboud the scythe person. No longer hot and I’m no longer sad that theyre a naiz. Rest in hell you sack of garbage. Stupid ass hand magic. You did my girl, and pip dirty. Also also, me @ this series in general: go to hell you did not need to do that to my soul. Why did you make me love these mercs and then do this to me. Why. Pip…. Why are you so loveable… I am also even more concerned about walter (I’m on ep 7 btw)      

Yep scythe person opinion is infinity rescinded. Gonna stab them personally.   

I am not okay. PIP YOU ASSHOLE WHAT THE HELL WHY. YOU JUST HAD TO GO FOR THE KISS TO MAKE THINGS EVEN MORE PAINFUL   

Oh wow Seras has a berserker rage mode holy shit and FUCKING DAMMIT PIP YOU GOOD MAN I HATE AND LOVE YOU YOU DEUS EX LAST SECOND AAAAAGGGGRRRRAASSSGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS SERIES IS KILLING ME                

 Maxwell is really just murdering everyone eh? While the major stand like a conductor on his blimp. I cannot wait until our home group turns them into mulch.                            

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DID THEY DO TO WALTER WHAT DID THEY DO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA        

Holy shit one million respect points to Anderson for calling Maxwell out on his shit. What the hell I love Anderson so much he’s such a good. ALSO THE BOY IS BACK IN TOWN THE BOY IS BACK IN TOWN /guitar solo/ It’s all gone insanse and im having the best and worst time hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhb       

Oh man shits getting real Alucard is about to to absolutely beast mode I can feel it. He’s saying the bird of Hermes stuff             

OH BABY HE HAS PEOPLE BACK FROM THE DEAD WHAT HOT DAMN IT’S ALL GONE INSANSE ALUCARD HAS EATEN SO MANY PEOPLE OMG. WHAT THE SHIT HES SO HOT NOW. You know I should have seen this twist coming, his real identity and all but like. They’re so different wtf. This has gone off the rails in the best of ways                 

Wow Maxwell’s death… Almost hurt????? Damn dude. Also Anderson is just. Really good. I love him so much now.    

Damn this fight between alucard and Anderson is so good holy shit and they’re having such fun it looks like??? This is so fun I’m loving it. Anderson has gone a bit nuts tho. And I have a bad feeling          

I MUST REITERATE, WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO WALTER. WHAT THE FUCK. NO.    

They should rename Anderson to the human slap chop at this rate. He’s so determined it’s incredible. AND HIS BACKUP STAYED AWWWWWWWWWW Aannnd I think they’re naruto running I am sobbing over this. Also i wanna punch the major in the face. Make him eat my fist.         

What the actual fuck is happening I don’t. I’m so confused and upset Sevi. Why did this have to happen. (Okay one episode to go I think)    

Everything has gone incredibly wrong and I don’t like it. Alucard and Seras are on fire and Anderson has just done whatever the fuck he did???? AND NOW ALUCARD HAS JUST GONE BEAST MODE??? I CAN’T. THIS SERIES NEEDS TO CALM DOWN.    

NO ALUCARD IS SOBBING NOW WHY BOO. DAMMIT ANDERSON WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS. ALUCARD IS A DEPRESSED ASSHOLE ANDERSON STOP TAUNTING HIM. THIS SERIES NEEDS TO STOP HURTING ME                             

WHAT THE FUCK WHY ANDERSON STOP THIS YOU’RE HURTING ME       

I am in pain     

WALTER WHAT THE FUCK       

FUCKING NAZIS BRAINWASHED WALTER OR WHATEVER I’M SO MAD

JFC WALTER WHAT KIND OF ATTITUDE ARE YOU COPPING NOW YOU BITCH   

WALTER WHAT THE SHIT ARE YOU DOING, WHY HAVE YOU TURNED INTO AN EDGY MURDRY EMO          

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW    

 Man Integra and Seras are a pair of badasses. I’m so set for them to kill the major. Also the high coat guy intrigues me. I wanna know what his deal is. Is he a werewolf. I feel like he is. Also what’s up with that long ass pistol. That can’t be practical. YEP HE IS A WOLF THINGY I WAS RIGHT. Alucard is just summoning a tsunami of blood now. Alrighty then. And now I am worried since the major is happy about that.

Oh damn the captain guy is a big ass wolf. And also, I am very concern about Alucard. PIP YOU BACK FROM THE DEAD AGAIN JACKASS I LOVE YOU GO BEST TAG TEAM EVER!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

THE CAPTAIN IS HELPING HIS FOES WHAT. THIS WOLF MAN IS SO STRANGE I LIKE HIM

PIP MANIFESTED????? THE FUCK???? IM???? AND THE WOLF GUY WAS HAPPY TO DIE????? IM???????? SHIT?????? THIS HURTS?????

Wow cheating asshole major with his glass box. I want him to die. AND HE’S GONNA DO WHAT?????? OH FUCK THE CAT GUY I AM A FRIGHTEN

I am so worried and don’t like this.

Wow now I feel kinda bad for Walter. I mean, I’m still mad at him but. I want to major to die. Can I stab him. Please

OH BOY I DON’T LIKE THIS

Oh no he’s stuck in different realities now isn’t he fuck

Oh no    

HAH AT LEAST THE DOCTOR DIED. GET FUCKED. Fuck did they desecrate a woman’s bones I am so lost now. I am too tired for this. DAMMIT WALTER STOP MAKING ME FEEL THINGS YOU ASS. I need to lay down this hurts too much. Everyone’s dead and I am in pain. And kinda nauseous from it. OH SHIT THAT ONE VATICAN PERSON WHO WAS SHOT DIDN’T DIE. SJDJDJSJSISUD INTEGRA LYING TO PENWOODS GRANDSON IM DYING. Fuck I am in pain. And-FUCKER IS HE BACK. STOP TOYING WITH ME SERIES. STOP THIS. I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD                                                                                                                                                             

Okay, so, for people wondering: That were 41 asks right there. Quick apology to mobile users, but I had to collect all these, this, this is awesome. Ti, you mad person, did you freaking watch all of the series in one sitting?! XD I love you dude. I just had the time of my life reading through this.

To point a few things out in answer to this:

1) Integra is the most badass in this entire series, you got that absolutely right

2) Walter was NOT brainwashed, a fact he was very adamant about. He decided on his very own that he wanted to betray Hellsing so that he would get a fair chance in fighting Alucard (something he had wanted to do for fifty years) since he’s a vampire hunter and Alucard is THE vampire, and Walter just… misses the battlefield? After staying a simple Butler for all this time. Millenium merely gave him vampire powers so he could revert to younger years so that he may have a chance fighting Alucard.

3) Yes you may stab the Major, go for it

4) The captain wanted to die, so he helped Seras and Pip out by giving them silver (kills werewolves) and laughing in his death. It seems as if he was immortal otherwise and had little chance to disobey Millenium, so he took the only way out he had.

5) The woman’s bones you see there in the end is Mina Harker, a character from Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Apart from Seras, she’s the only known woman Alucard ever turned into a vampire - also important to note that he loved her, to whatever degree he is able to. Because she drank his blood (which stayed active inside of her even after her friends somehow managed to turn her human again), it’s the only DNA of Dracula / Alucard that Millenium could get their hands on. They used that Alucard-DNA to make copies and clones of Alucard (all the vampire / ghoul soldiers you saw) and to enhance their other fighters (Rip van Winkle, the scythe guy, even Walter himself).

Ti I absolutely love you, this was such a rollercoaster from start to finish. XD Increasing amount of Caps Lock means you reached the end of the series. *nod*

[starliightxo]

✨ Holly Discography & OOC Meanings ✨

Storytelling = songs not written about her life but a story she made up

Red

1. State Of Grace ~ for Haley

2. Red ~ (Storytelling) Comparing love and emotions to colours

3. Treacherous ~ Park

4. I Knew You Were Trouble ~ Park

5. All Too Well ~ Adrian

6. 22 ~ Just a feel good, having fun song

7. I Almost Do ~ Adrian

8. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together ~ (Storytelling) just a catchy get stuck in your head song, are specifically to be a single to get attention

9. Stay Stay Stay ~ Adrian

10. The Last Time ~ (storytelling) but in a way it's about her parents and begging them to put her first when it comes to them taking Haley. Because they never considered her in all their choices and it broke her.

11. Holy Ground ~ Adrian

12. Sad Beautiful Tragic ~ Adrian

13. The Lucky One ~ Herself discovering that starting to be known and fame isn't exactly what people expect

14. Everything Has Changed ~ (storytelling)

15. Starlight (co-written with Soraya) ~ for Soraya

16. Begin Again ~ meeting Adrian again after the 4 year gap

17. The Moment I Knew ~ a birthday she spent just after she had Haley and longing for Adrian to come back even though she knew her parents wouldn't have even let him through the door even if he had. But it's not nearly as bitter @ him as the song suggests

18. Come Back... Be Here ~ Adrian

19. Girl At Home ~ (storytelling) girls supporting girls

Fifteen (EP)

(the EP based off the songs she wrote in school/post losing adrian)

1. Love Story ~ Adrian

2. Fearless ~ Adrian

3. Fifteen ~ Herself and kind of a message to Haley to put her dreams first

4. You Belong With Me ~ Adrian/Paisley but lowkey any girl taking interest in him. I.e. margo etc.

5. Better Than Revenge ~ Paisley/Margo

6. Last Kiss ~ Adrian

7. Enchanted ~ Adrian when they met again at St Judes. their first official date was at a ball esque thingy

8. Ours ~ about Adrian @ her parents and the disapproval

9. Mine ~ Adrian (Storytelling) what she imagined

Safe And Sound (EP)

(The EP about/for haley)

1. Safe And Sound ~ a lullaby for haley

2. Innocent ~ about herself in a way and trying to forgive herself for hr mistakes when it came to haley and the choices she make but also reminding her that she could stay innocent and young for as long as possible

3. Never Grow Up ~ wishing she doesn't grow up too fast because she very much did and it was terrifying

4. Untouchable ~ How haley's kept away from her

5. Breathe ~ the follow on from untouchable and not being able to breathe without her

Welcome To New York

1. Welcome To New York ~ Her love for the city and dreaming of living there

2. Blank Space ~ (Storytelling)

3. Style ~ Adrian

4. Out Of The Woods ~ the aftermath of (tw) the rape and holly fighting to get out of the dark place and there's obviously hints of Adrian in there being with her through it

5. All You Had To Do Was Stay ~ Soraya & Dallas (storytelling)

6. Shake It Off ~ speaks for itself basically for her fans

7. I Wish You Would ~ Adrian after he disappeared when she first got pregnant and they separated

8. Bad Blood ~ Anyone against her and labelling her as the mean girl. She went very theatrical and played on it. Although everyone thinks it's specifically about Hensley, she was just one name on a long list

9. Wildest Dreams ~ back when she first started at St Judes and met Julian again, his was another sing based on their first date at the ball-esque event

10. How You Get The Girl ~ at Dallas about Soraya

11. This Love ~ Adrian

12. I Know Places ~ wanting to hide from the insider and paps and opinions whether it's with Adrian or on her own.

13. Clean ~ The last song she wrote for the album and it's about (tw) the rape. It was the first thing she ever wrote about it so it's extremely personal

14. Wonderland ~ (storytelling)

15. You Are In Love ~ Adrian

16 . New Romantics ~ St Judes/Monroe life

Reputation

1. Ready For It? ~ preparing for battle in a way. this was one of if not her biggest album and it was all about her fighting back and taking control of her public narrative. She wrote/sang about things you'd never expect and said ings you'd never expect so it's getting ready for that

2. End Game ~ Adrian

3. I Did Something Bad ~ Everyone who did her wrong and called her the mean girl

4. Don't Blame Me ~ Adrian

5. Delicate ~ Adrian

6. Look What You Made Me Do ~ are you ready for it 2.0

7. So It Goes... ~ Adrian

8. Gorgeous ~ Adrian/Haley/Soraya

9. Getaway Car ~ Park

10. King Of My Heart ~ Adrian

11. Dancing With Our Hands Tied ~ Adrian

12. Dress ~ Adrian

13. This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things ~ about the shit she gets for winning awards

14. Call It What You Want ~ Adrian and their relationship but it's aimed at their parents

15. New Years Day ~ painting a nice picture of new years day (because She was (tw) raped on new years eve night just before midnight) and basically how Adrian was there for her the day after and picked her back up

Lover

1. I Forgot That You Existed ~ anyone not on her side and lowkey about the guy who r*ped her. Although that's on her mind a lot, this would have been her when she's enjoying her time with someone and she forgets for one night. Or how she wishes she could forget about him for good.

2. Cruel Summer ~ probably her brief rebound of a relationship with park tbh and she convinced herself it was love to try and make herself feel better about the guilt. But ultimately they both knew it wasn't good or going to work.

3. Lover ~ about Holly and Adrian finally being in complete control of their relationship but still having insecure moments where she worries about losing him, but he's there every time. It speaks for itself mainly tbh.

4. The Man ~ the feminist jumped out LOL she aimed for this one to be relatable in every sense cause she knows it's a very common topic. But some things jump out from her own experiences like: "when everyone believes ya, what's that like?" About the r*ape trial.

5. The Archer ~ I love how holly it is 😩 reflecting on how she handled certain situations like things with hensley (bad blood) and how she's made a lot of mistakes. And being lowkey terrified she'll lose people because of it. I think mainly Adrian and Soraya tbh.

6. I Think He Knows ~ Adrian

7. Miss Americana And The Heartbreak Prince ~ about the negative affects caused by st Jude's and "fame" and having Adrian there through it all. The second first specifically would be about the night of the r*pe and when she told Adrian and he was the one of the only ones who cared what the truth was. Personally I think this is the most holly song on the album! I knew exactly what she'd write it about as soon as I heard it lol

8. Paper Rings ~ Adrian

8. Cornelia Street ~ kinda Begin Again 2.0 for holly and it basically being about that first time she saw Adrian again after they're 4 years apart and the fear she had of losing them/him again. I especially feel the line "It's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend"

9. Death By A Thousand Cuts (storytelling)

10. London Boy ~ her dream has always been to live in New York so she's kinda made herself new York in this album and Adrian's the London boy, even though he isn't English LOL? but their relationship lives in London basically. And she loves NY but she'd go wherever he is instead.

11. Soon You'll Get Better ft The Dixie Chicks ~ Soraya's health problems, how much her wellbeing means to holly and how desperately she needs her to just be okay all the time.

12. False god ~ I picture her breakup with Adrian back when she was pregnant and they were kids. How it all went to shit but that small hope still there "We might just get away with it." She probably would have taken snippets from old journals back from that time for this.

13. You Need To Calm Down ~ It's about ever form of love

14. Afterglow ~ this one hits me so much and cause I'm so invested in holly and adrian, hurts my heart. Basically apologising for hurting him ever, mainly with Park. But lowkey the r*pe thing too. Even tho he'd never be mad or blame her for that, she blamed herself at one point. And She panics regularly that it would ruin them.

15. ME! ~ a confidence boost for herself, her friends and her fans.

16. It's Nice To Have A Friend ~ being in love with your best friend. Also how I picture her and Adrian starting out in school.

17. Daylight ~ about how her and Adrian both had other things while they weren't together, but since they got back together, it was like stepping back into the daylight and nothing can be as perfect as that feeling they have with each other. They never really had it with anyone else.

Folklore

1. The 1 ~ (storytelling)

2. Cardigan ~ recently holly has defo felt kind of forgotten about and falling into the shadows. And as always, Adrian is slowly started to pull her out of her dark place.

3. The Last Great American Dynasty ~ awhile ago Adrian bought them a kind of holiday home and she wrote a story about the previous owner (storytelling)

4. Exile ft Bon Iver ~ the last song she wrote for the album. Her and Adrian recently broke up and have one of if not their biggest arguments and this was about that

5. My Tears Ricochet ~ Her Parents

6. Mirrorball ~ about being what the media want you to be and being perfect and when you fall and break they watch as if it's entertainment

7. Seven ~ (storytelling) a childhood friendship where one is suffering (tw) in am abusive household and the other wants to rescue them. It's also about wanting to stay young as long as possible and when we stopped doing the little things only children get away with

8. August ~ Park

9. This Is Me trying ~ Herself and her struggle to hold it all together. She defo would have had that moment of being on the edge of a cliff and having the moment she decided to back away from it

10. Illicit Affairs ~ Park

11. Invisible String ~ Adrian

12. Mad Woman ~ Herself and women in general

13. Epiphany ~ (storytelling) a couple/people during world war 2

14. Betty ~ (storytelling)

15. Peace ~ for Adrian

16. Hoax ~ (storytelling)

17. The Lakes ~ wanting to run away but of course only with Adrian

Other Songs

Back To December

Sparks Fly

Mean

Long Live

Beautiful Ghosts

Christmas Tree Farm

I Don't Wanna Live Forever

Babe ft Sugarland

Only The Young